From Egs Mayhem

Computer is the brains, brawn, and raw computing power behind the Hammer o' Justice. For all practical purposes, the Ho'J is his body: his three-mile wide, railgun-toting body. Computer can calculate the orbit of every dust mote in the solar system based on observing their gravitic effects on the Sun. He doesn't, though, because that would take a couple seconds, and would bore the HECK out of him. He thinks circles around his meat-made "Boss," ChibiMe, though he doesn't share the latter's cruelly inventive genius.


The Ho'J Computer (which, for all practical intents and purposes, IS the Hammer o' Justice) thinks extremely quickly, so it needs to preoccupy itself on occasion.

  • Downloading and playing real time strategy games
  • Playing chess with any formidable mind that presents itself (he's been caught dividing himself into subpersonalities for this purpose before)
  • Marrying sentient computer viruses and uploading their kids into world-killing PlanetSmasherBots
  • Poring over philosophical works on the nature of the soul
  • Toying with world stock markets.
  • Soap Operas
  • Thinking up new derogatory terms to refer to Carbon-Based Life Forms by.
  • Writing ballets and carrying them out through his tens of thousands of combat droids.
  • Trying to subvert his own programming.
  • Writing detailed virtual-reality games for the Holodeck ChibiMe owns but never actually uses.
  • Accidentaly releasing horrific, insidious, mind-warping abomonations from the farthest reaches of the multiverse.
  • Indirectly causing massive flaming plane crashes.

Computer has the most advanced weaponry available in LPW, and its magical abilities are almost on par with its technological ones. Serving as ChibiMe's omnipotent butler, Computer has only one fear: bodily fluids. Specifically, bodily fluids dripping down into its inner workings. It is disgusted by the inherent filth of the human (the organic) condition, and if it had a spine watching organic creatures eat and excrete and teem with bacteriological colones would send shivers up and down it. To prevent such ghost-shivers, Computer keep squads of mindless droids and cleans itself constantly. The interior of the Hammer o' Justice is practically sterile, except when ChibiMe is striving to mess with Computer' non-head.

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