HACKCURS Was The Worst Movie Ever Made
From Bonus Stage
Bonus Stage Episode #49
The Tandy Brothers take over the world and it's up to part of the BS crew to stop them!
Cast (in order of appearance): Joel, Phil, Elly, The Tandy Brothers, Keen, Jessica, Rya, Will Ferrell, Tom Brokaw
Page title: Bonus Stage #49: Possibly the briskest episode yet.
Running time: 6:00
Date: November 19, 2004
Contents |
Transcript
{Opening credits. The sun slowly rises over Phil's house, then the music stops, and the camera abruptly zooms in to a chest-bare Joel without a hat who abruptly gets out of bed.}
JOEL: Aah! Someone just took over the world!
{Cut to Phil's living room. Elly and Phil are behind Joel with droopy eyelids.}
PHIL: Joel, why did you just wake us up at five AM?
ELLY: Yeah, and I don't even live here, so explain that, mister!
JOEL: Phil, turn on the news.
{Close up of Phil and Elly. Phil takes out the remote.}
PHIL: Hm...WHOA! {Phil and Elly looked shocked} Nickelodeon's playing Angry Beavers! They never do this!
JOEL: Turn on the news. Please. Do it.
PHIL: {Phil and Elly's facial expressions are now anime-ishly happy} Rocko's Modern Life is on next?!
{One hour later...}
JOEL: Turn on the news please. Turn on the news please. Turn on the news please.
PHIL: Hey Joel.
JOEL: Turn on the news please.
PHIL: What did you want me to do?
{Close up of Joel's squintingly angry face}
PHIL: ...Oh, okay. {Switches to the news}
ANCHORMAN: If you have just joined us, you have a ridiculous sense of timing, especially to tune in just before I started this sentence. Man, you're something else, ANYWAY, the world has been taken over! {CRISIS! picture appears on top-right screen} We go live to the center of world domination.
{Cut to the center of world domination}
THOMAS: Yo, Earth, it's time to welcome your new rulahs, from old skoolahs!
TYRONE: Who are they?
THOMAS: Us, you idiot.
TYRONE: Cool! Us is my favorite kind of they!
{Cut back to the house. Elly and Phil are shocked.}
PHIL: The Tandy Brothers?! But they're the lamest villians ever!
ELLY: Phil, our lamest villian was the Leaping Leper, and he had leprosy, you insensetive bastard!
PHIL: How'd they get into power? There must be someone helping them out...a villain team-up!
ELLY: No one would team up with them, are you JOKING?! They spend five hours a day watching Kids WB!
{Cut to the Tandy Bros. living room. 'The Batman' is on, and the Tandy Bros. are watching.}
ANNOUNCER: Coming up next is The Batman, where Batman meets up with Robin.
{TV shows Robin. But a DIFFERENT Robin, which is a guy in a Robin bird costume.}
THOMAS: That doesn't look like Robin!
ANNOUNCER: You don't know crap about Robin! This Robin is dark and moody and ultra-violent!
{Close up of Tandy Bros.}
TYRONE It's kinda of an improvement, actually.
{Cut to outside Phil's house, where Joel and Phil are.}
PHIL: If we're gonna stop the Tandy Brothers, we're gonna need a ride to their headquarters.
JOEL: We can take the Joel Copter!
PHIL: That doesn't exist!
{A taxi pulls up from the left. A familiar face, Keen, is shown as the driver}
KEEN: But I do.
PHIL: Not until the lawyers come.
KEEN: Correct, but until then, call me Keen: Taxi Driver.
JOEL: How predictibly convenient!
{Switch to inside Phil's Kitchen, where the five main characters are.}
JOEL: Anybody else want to go for a ride?
JESSICA: {slight close-up} I'm game.
ELLY: {pointing at Jessica} She's lame.
RYA: No.
PHIL: Tough call. I say we decide this by a TRIVIA GAME SHOW!
{Scene switches to a...Trivia Game Show.}
JOEL: And after ten rounds, Elly has 5,000 points, Jessica has five thous-B points, I dunno how that happened, and Rya has zero. {When he says all of that, the camera pans over the contestants and their podiums. Now back to Joel in a weird suit thing.} Here's the final question! What is the best Genisis game ever...and...go- {zoom in on his face} STOP! {normal again} Let's see your answers. {Elly wrote 'Gunstar Heroes' for her answer} Gunstar heroes, what a n00b answer. {Rya drew a picture of a hand flipping "the bird"} Hmm, that one was okay, but pretty short. {Jessica wrote 'Dynamite Headdy', Joel gasps} It's like she's inside my mind.
{cut-out of Joel's brain, there is a little devil-y Jessica floating next to it.}
DEVIL-Y JESSICA: I AM! MA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
{return to normal view of Joel in the suit}
JOEL: COOL! I love head trauma, you're in!
KEEN: Don't worry boys, the ride's on me. It's the least I could do after you saved my life from those face-stealing aliens.
PHIL: Well, again, I just have to remind you that that was a Party Poopers store, and not aliens!
JOEL: "Poop"! Ha ha ha!
JESSICA: Anyone got a Game Boy or something?
PHIL: Mom, you need to focus! These guys probably have lots of henchmen, or robot dinosaurs... or biker mice!
JESSICA: Whatever. I'll just stay in the car.
PHIL: Ugh! You're so useless! At least Elly pretends to be interested!
JOEL: The woman just wants some independence, or... I don't know. I don't really know anything about women.
JESSICA: Thank you, Joel.
JOEL: That wasn't a compliment?
KEEN: Here's what I think-
{While Keen is talking, he doesn't realize he's supposed to be driving, and the taxi crashes. Keen's head falls off his body.}
KEEN: I'll be waiting here. You go get 'em.
{Cut to Joel and Phil, outside the taxi.}
PHIL: Here we are in Newark, the one place The Simpsons has never been to.
{Suddenly, a familiar-looking purple car approaches.}
JOEL: Crap! Hurry, they're coming!
{Joel and Phil run away. We see some familiar-looking silhouettes in the car. Cut to Will Ferrell... or at least how Will Ferrell would look as if he were on an episode of The Simpsons.}
WILL FERRELL: Hi, Marge, I'm special guest star Will Ferrell - {Instantly, Joel and Phil tackle him.} AAAAAA!!!
{Cut to the Center of World Domination (in Newark, New Jersey).}
THOMAS: I can't believe it, dawg! Thanks to our leet hacking skillz, we won the universe! Ours to control!
TYRONE: And my speech impediment is gone! Woop woop!
THOMAS: This is the greatest day ever!
{Silence.}
THOMAS: So, uh... uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhurgggggg... this is stupid. Let's just-
{Joel appears.}
JOEL: Not so fast!
THOMAS: Ha ha! I knew you fools would come!
TYRONE: Take him to the rock, Tom!
JOEL: Do your stuff, Will!
WILL FERRELL: Do... wha? I don't know what I'm doing!
THOMAS: Oh no! It's A-list comedian Will Ferrell!
TYRONE: His hilarity is rendering us weak!
WILL FERRELL: But I'm not even... doing anything...
{The Tandy Bros. are lying on the ground.}
THOMAS: Oh my god! Ha ha ha ha... he's so wacky!
TYRONE: I'm going to pee my face!
JOEL: {to Phil} Quick, press the button!
PHIL: What button?
JOEL: The world-saving button!
PHIL: There's no such thing!
{Joel points at a red button on a pedestal. There is a sign above that button which reads "End Doomsday Button".}
PHIL: Oh, that is bullsh{BLEEP}.
{Cut to Phil, Joel, and Jessica in the house.}
JESSICA: Hey, cutie, how was it?
JOEL: I got a scar! I hope it's a werewolf's... 'cause I... want... to... the wolf will become me... the book of the moon?
PHIL: Why didn't you help us at all?
JESSICA: I don't have any skills. Joel's the one with the brains and the brawn!
PHIL: I... I pushed the button!
JOEL: What kind of superhero presses buttons? I'll tell ya who... girl superheroes! Also, girls in general. D... do you care that I'm objectifying women?
JESSICA: I don't really care about anything.
JOEL: Good, let's go out.
WILL FERRELL: Hey, uh, what kind of money am I getting here?
PHIL: None.
WILL FERRELL: Well... what kind of residuals-
PHIL: NONE!!!!!!!!!!
{End credits.}
Fun Facts
Trivia
- When the Tandy Bros. are laughing at Will's wit, a line of text scrolls overhead that reads "there sure isn't much animation in this episode is there".
- WRITTEN BY: The Whooooole Gang - This is an actual Gang. I do not mean "All of us Bonus Stage folks".
- GUEST STAR: THE WHO as First Baseman
- 500B points is, in decimal, 20491.
Remarks
- In Virtual Dating, Joel said the only good Genesis game was Bonanza Brothers. In this one he thinks it's Dynamite Headdy.
Inside References
- Phil pushing the "end doomsday" button is similar to Joel pressing the "Deus Ex Wonderball" in Munched! to save the world from super munchers.
Real-World References
- The title refers to the movie "Hackers."
- "Nickelodeon's playing Angry Beavers! They never do this! ... Rocko's Modern Life is on next?!" The aforementioned cartoons were canceled and they don't air on Nickelodeon anymore, though they are shown on a spinoff channel, Nicktoons TV.) But, for a while, they showed them ridiculously early in the morning, which is what they are making fun of.
- "It's the least I could do after you..." is a reference to how Kim Possible gets a ride from someone she saves, but it is never shown what she actually does, just heard of.
- Phil's line "robot dinosaurs" is a reference to Superman the Animated Series, where Superman battles Lex Luther's robot dinosaurs in a museum.
- Phil's line "... or biker mice!" is a reference to the mid-90s cartoon, Biker Mice from Mars.
- Joel's line "the book of the moon" is a reference to the anime series Wolf's Rain.
- "Your new rulahs, from old skoolahs!" This is taken from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force theme song. ("Shake Zula! The mic rulah! The old skoolah")
Episode Description
Everyone wakes up to find the Tandy Bros are the new leaders of the free world, thanks to their indescribable hacking skills. Joel and Phil know what they must do.
External Links
- Watch "HACKCURS Was The Worst Movie Ever Made"
- View the Flash file for "HACKCURS Was The Worst Movie Ever Made"
Categories: Joel Filmography | Phil Filmography | Elly Filmography | The Tandy Brothers Filmography | Keen Filmography | Jessica Filmography | Rya Filmography | Episodes
