From Bonus Stage

Bonus Stage Episode #86

Joel and Sasha try to stop Evil, while Phil causes mayhem in the past.

Cast (in order of appearance): Joel, Sasha, Evil, Peter Potamus, Phil, George Washington, Solid Snake, Sonic the Hedgehog, X, Platform Hero, Vile, Aaron McGruder, Huey Freeman, June, Craig, Malcolm, Elly, Blakken White, Space Toast, Bonus Stage Critics

Places: Charismaville, Delaware River, Shoppotron, Phil's House, Phil's Living Room

Page title: " Joel Fights Crime, Phil Rewites Time"

Running time: 9:01

Date: January 22, 2006

Contents 1 Transcript 2 Fun Facts 2.1 Trivia 2.2 Goofs 2.3 Inside References 3 Real-World References 4 Episode Description 5 External Links

Transcript

{Opening credits, then cut to Joel and Sasha in another webtoon. There is a market behind them.}

JOEL: You know, I'm not the first person to say this, but you're starting to become really boring, Evil.

{Cut to Evil in some sort of arena.}

EVIL: {Deep voiced} Once I have taken over all of... {Normal voice} Wait a second, that wasn't a segue at all!

{Cut back to Joel and Sasha.}

JOEL: Well, I don't particularly...care...

SASHA: What is your evil plan?

JOEL: Does it involve my new shoes?

{Cut to Joel and Evil in the streets}

EVIL: I'm just doing what you told me to do!

{Joel gets a worried look on his face}

EVIL: Remember that thing, that thing you said to me?

{Peter Potamus pops up from the bottom of the screen}

PETER: Hey, remember the thing I sent ya- {Evil pulls out a rifle and shoots him} Argh!

{Cut back to Joel and Sasha}

SASHA: What's going on here?

JOEL: Well, there's this rumor going around...on Usenet...that I told Evil to go destroying other webtoons.

SASHA: WHAT?

JOEL: I didn't though! And that's the truth, because I am the true blue... bomber.

{Cut back to Evil}

EVIL: Once I have taken over the Internet, a new reign of terror will wash over the world. A reign worse than the New England Patriots and Gundam Wing!

{Cut back to Joel and Sasha}

JOEL: Or people could just turn their computers off.

SASHA: We both know that never happens.

{Cut to Phil sailing the Delaware with George Washington}

PHIL: Be careful, Phil. The slightest alteration in time could make Biff Tanner my uncle! I have to protect the past! Hey Gee-roge, I know you're a bad-ass commander and all...

GEORGE WASHINGTON: My ass is bad?

PHIL: Yes. It needs to be... smooth. Or else the ladies won't please to squeeze it.

GEORGE WASHINGTON: But I like the ladies even more than I like slavery.

PHIL: We all do, George. So much so that we would want to pass a law to allow us to marry more than one of them.

GEORGE WASHINGTON: Huh?

{Phil pulls out the time machine}

PHIL: Anyway, gotta go, Washing. Keep it real. {teleports away}

{Cut to Phil traveling through time, represented as a pink spiraling void.}

PHIL: {Phil is in a strange, contorted position} That was the exact opposite of protecting the past!

{Pan over to Joel and Sasha back in the Bonus Stage world}

SASHA: I can't believe you would recklessly put other people's web lives in danger simply because you were bored!

JOEL: I didn't expect him to take it seriously. I expected him to go home and whine on his Xanga blog. Wait, how is that pronounced? X-anga...

SASHA: Z-anga...

JOEL: Jenga... Mensa...

SASHA: {scoffs} This is all your fault, as usual. You can't set foot anywhere without hurting people and ruining their lives.

JOEL: Hey! Stop pinning that on me! You know neither of us were responsible for what went down five years ago!

SASHA: So, how do you wanna handle this?

JOEL: I'm going to finish Evil once and for all, and find out who's been manipulating the suit. It's probably Andrew. I mean, that's what everyone at home is guessing, right? Let's take a poll right now. Do you think Evil is A: Andrew, B: Elly, C: Rya, or D: Rayman? Vote now!

{Cut to the audience, consisting of a boy and a hobo who's apparently asleep or dead. Communicators fall from the ceiling and hang there. Cut back to Joel and Sasha.}

JOEL: During this time, I'd like to... grope Sasha. {grabs her breast}

SASHA: {covers chest with arms} Hey, you prick! {pulls out a hammer from off-screen}

JOEL: Oh man, is that the hammer from that webcomic-

{Sasha hits him with the hammer. Joel becomes mangled upon impact. As he speaks, Sasha looks more and more worried.}

JOEL: {as if in agony} AAAUGH! That is the most painful thing I've ever experienced! Augh! My entire skeleton is pooling at the soles of my feet, my nerves are exploding violently, I want to die but can't!

SASHA: Oh my God, I'm so sorry!

JOEL: {now normal} Psyche, I'm just playing.

{Close-up of Sasha, who stares at him blankly. Cut to Joel, who grins. Cut back to Sasha, who looks annoyed.}

{Cut to Phil, who seems to be in a fictional city, with Sonic the Hedgehog and Solid Snake sitting in his trademark cardboard box}

PHIL: Alright, Joel's starting to confuse fictional history with real history again.

{Mega Man X teleports in}

X: Let's go fight the Mavericks!

{Cut to Platform Hero and Vile}

PLATFORM HERO: Is this a Maverick? Do I jump on it or- {Vile blasts the top half of Hero's head off} Oh sweet lord, no!

{Cut back to Phil}

PHIL: Wait a second. If this is a virtual enviroment, then nothing I do will have any serious effect in the real world. I can mess with whoever I want, whenever I want!

{Cut to a random man walking down the sidewalk}

MAN: Today's the day in which I cancel Stella and renew Mind of Mencia for twenty more episodes!

{Phil comes down from the sky and slaps him eight times, saying "Hey" each time. Cut to Aaron McGruder as he is making the Boondocks}

AARON: And people said manga would never get into newspapers. But what to call my strip...? I know! Boon-

{Phil comes down from ceiling again}

PHIL: -ducks.

{Cut to a brief stint of the animated show, the Boonducks. Cut to Huey, who now has a duck bill on his face}

HUEY: Jesus was a quack, Donald Duck is the devil, and the government just saved a bunch of money on their car insurance by switching to Geico!

{Cut back to Joel and Evil's showdown, on another web toon}

JOEL: All right, Evil. This is the Last Call, with Carson Daly. I'm gonna take you out for good! And I don't mean to dinner. Although if we see an Arby's on the way, we'll go through the drive-thru. But no reach arounds!

{A fight scene ensues, in which Joel and Evil fight with four diffrent animation styles, from stick figures, to Ren and Stimpy rejects. Soon "HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER" flashes on the screen, with a booming voice. June enters as the art style switches again.}

JUNE: Joel, there you are!

JOEL: June, I'm kind of in the middle of a poorly animated fight scene here.

JUNE: Then allow me to join in!

JOEL: What, are you kidding?

JUNE: No one cheats on me and gets away with it!

JOEL: Okay, you do know I was dating Jessica for like, six months, right?

JUNE: Yeah...

JOEL: So I have gotten away with this, pretty signifigantly.

{Cut to a random transition guy}

GUY: Meanwhile!

{Cut to Craig, who is now at the grocery store}

CRAIG: Here I am... At the store...

{Short pause. Then Craig is speeding down the aisles with a shopping cart as speed metal blares in the background. Back to Joel's party in a new art style}

JUNE: So this whole trip was just business?

JOEL: Yes, we kind of depise each other. That is typically how most people stop being married.

SASHA: No hard feelings, kid. If you're smart, you'd stay away from him, too.

JUNE: Do you forgive me, Joel?

SASHA: They're never smart. They're never smart!

JOEL: Of course I do, June. Just promise me you'll never question my decisions again. Promise... with your boobs.

JUNE: No.

JOEL: Well, anyway. {To Evil} Time to find out who you really are! {Joel takes out a microphone and tape recorder} What are your hobbies and interests?!

JUNE: Just remove the suit already.

JOEL: Hoot-sa! {Joel removes the suit revealing... Malcolm.} Malcolm?! But why?!

MALCOLM: {blank look}

JOEL: Aw, I can't stay mad at that face. Because it's being melted off!

{Joel pulls out a blow torch and melts Malcolm's head}

JUNE: He must have gotten into the suit by accident. I mean, look at him, he doesn't even have arms.

JOEL: Not anymore!

JUNE: No, I mean not ever.

{Joel turns the blow torch to June's arm}

JOEL: Not anymore!

{June's sleeve catches fire}

JUNE: OW! My arm! Why?!

{Cut back to Phil's house back in Bonus Stage. Joel and Elly are sitting on the couch, reading a 1994 encylclopedia, as Phil comes home}

PHIL: Hey, y'all. I'm back from the... farm.

JOEL: How's crops?

PHIL: You know... croppy.

JOEL: Yeah, well, we're just admiring George Washington.

ELLY: His butt is so smooth.

JOEL: It totally is!

PHIL: I'm going to uh... Bethlehem. If for some reason this series suddenly ceases to exist, that's completely natural.

JOEL: ROAD TRIP, ROAD TRIP, ROAD TRIP, ROAD TRIP, ROAD TRIP, ROAD TRIP, ROAD TRIP, ROAD TRIP, ROAD TRIP!

PHIL: Yeah, sure, I'll meet you there.

JOEL: It's a date! A steamy, exotic date!

PHIL: No it's not. Goodbye.

{Phil activates the time machine and teleports again.}

ELLY: So, what's your ex like? Can she do an optic blast?

JOEL: She was great. My intellectual equal. She was a scientist, she helped me raise my sister; she's... pretty much everything you're not. {Elly seems hurt} In fact, you're kind of the least possible canidate for girlfriend I have ever come across. You have no redeeming qualities that I can determine. {Elly starts to tear up.} The world would be better off if you never reprodued with anyone.

{Elly starts crying}

JOEL: I made Elly cry...AWESOME!

{Blakken White appears with balloons, one with "Hello" and one with "WOO!" on it, and confetti}

BLAKKEN WHITE: Congratulations! ...You're an asshole!

{Ending credits play. If you wait after the credits, there's a bonus scene of Speace Toast talking with two Bonus Stage critics.}

SPACE TOAST: Hello, netizens...net...warriors. Today, we've got...these...Goodnight!

{Music begins playing again, and credits begin appear, but quickly switch back to Space Toast and the Critics}

SPACE TOAST: Oh, hi there...Goodnight!

{Music and credits begin again, but abrubtly stop}

SPACE TOAST: Well, hello viewers! Today, were going to talk about...Bonus...Stages. Here to discuss today's Bonus Stages...are two...dudes.

PONYTAIL CRITIC: This episode should be renamed the "The Phil Drops Out, Joel Cops Out".

RED-HAIRED CRITIC: {Almost simultaneously, and quietly} Oh, snap!

PONYTAIL CRITIC: Rather than give the show's fleeting fanbase a brief show of true interwoven storytelling dexterity, the author has elected to..."Whoops! I'm not a smart...guy after all. I'd better not wrap up anything." So what we have-

RED-HAIRED CRITIC: {Cutting the other critic off} Dude, that sounds just like him.

PONYTAIL CRITIC: Yes, I'm brilliant. So what we have here is is a halfhearted view into Joel's past life-

RED-HAIRED CRITIC: Like we care!

PONYTAIL CRITIC: Actually, I do care.

RED-HAIRED CRITIC: Oh.

PONYTAIL CRITIC: It's just that we don't learn anything new. And anyway, if you've been here since day one, and anyone who hasn't isn't a real fan anyway, you would already know that Joel has a sister.

RED-HAIRED CRITIC: She's dead!

PONYTAIL CRITIC: Dude, spoilers. Oh, wait, they're never going to do that comic. So we don't have to worry.

RED-HAIRED CRITIC: Ohhhh, you see that notch? We just brought it down.

PONYTAIL CRITIC: Ultimately, we're never going to get what we really want, which is an episode that's funny, but not all jokes, it has to be talky, but not like, super talky, it has to have video game refrences, but those are cheap and get boring, it should make fun of itself a little, but that's the worst part of the show, so don't do that at all, and the voices of Joel and Phil, well, I don't even have to say that, do I?

RED-HAIRED CRITIC: Plain and simple!

PONYTAIL CRITIC: That's all we want! But I don't think the creator is ever going to aknowledge our re-

SPACE TOAST: {Cutting the critic off} Goodnight!

{Credits roll for a few seconds, then abrubtly stop}

Fun Facts

Trivia

• WRITTEN BY: yours truly
• First non-special episode to pass the nine-minute mark.
• In the opening credits intro where the narrator says 'Bonus Stage', Elly now has pupils on her eyes, and Joel is smiling. Phil's segment is also slightly different.
• In the background of Craig's scene in the grocery store, a picture of Joel can be seen on the cover of Times magazine.

Goofs

• In the title bar, 'Joel Fights Crime, Phil Rewrites Time' is actually misspelled to 'Joel Fights Crime, Phil Rewites Time'.
• Joel's pants turn transparent when he melts Malcolm's head off.
• When Sasha hits Joel with the hammer she is missing her right arm.
• When Joel gropes Sasha, he actually gropes her arm.
• When Joel wants June to promise with her boobs, the space between his arms is skin colour.

Inside References

• This entire episode is a continuation of the three cliffhangers in Just Passion Through; Phil's time travel, Joel and Sasha tracking Evil down, and Craig going to the store.
• Joel refers to his relationship with Jessica in seasons 4 and 5.
• In the easter egg, the critics mention Kate Dawson, Joel's sister, as well as the storyline of the scrapped High Score episode, Kate Intervenes (in which, according to the story line, Kate appears despite having died).
• Malcolm the robot makes his second cameo (The first was in Joel's Substitute) in this series, and is from the Soupstock series that has yet to be released onto the internet with a full cartoon.
  • Ironically, in the flash intro to Soupstock (the only part of the program that actually exists), Malcolm does appear to have arms.
    • In a further twist, Soupstock was to star Kate Dawson as one of the main characters. Thus, Soupstock was the comic the Bonus Stage Critics said "they're never going to do."
• Joel telling Evil to destroy other webtoons occured in Flame Wars.
• The first song playing in the Easter Egg is from Depart's All Yours.
• The second song playing in the Easter Egg is from Revenge of the Pathetic.
• The Keentoons logo appears with Shipmaster Greg activating the Hyper Crystals from Just Passion Through.
• Joel's suggestion that Andrew could be Evil may alude to Matt Wilson's letter justifying Rya's death before the intro of Ryaconning, which has a secret message saying "evil is not andrew."
  • It's also possible that it merely refers to how a very large part of the fanbase seemed to believe Andrew was Evil, even after Matt left that note in Ryaconning. In addition, Joel saying Elly could be Evil is most likely referring to her having been Evil in Evil's New Groove. His reference to Rya possibly being Evil seems to be fodder for those Bonus Stage fans who hope that she may still be alive somewhere and would someday return to the series.
• Joel's mention of polls also alludes to polls posted on the BS forums being held, often with speculative subjects as ridiculous as "Who wins in a fight: Phil or Andrew?" and "Is Phil Gay?"
• "Just promise me you'll never question my decisions again. Promise... with your boobs."

This line echoes Jessica's line in Joel vs. the Monobrow: "Fight me! Fight me with your boobs!"

Real-World References

• Joel calling himself "the true blue bomber" is a reference to Mega Man, one of his nicknames being "the Blue Bomber". X, star of the Mega Man X spin-off series, and Vile, a villain from that series, also appear in this episode. As one might expect, X uses his awful high-pitched voice, made famous in the English dub of Mega Man X4.
• Phil referring to changing the past and making Biff Tannen (Phil mispronounces it as Tanner) his uncle is a reference to the Back to the Future series of movies.
• Rayman is a video game character made by Ubisoft.
• Stella and Mind of Mencia are two primetime shows on Comedy Central. Stella is about the continuing misadventures of the three man comedy group sharing the same name, comprised of Michael Ian Black, Michael Showalter, and David Wain. Mind of Mencia is comedian Carlos Mencia's show, where he adresses various issues, and parodies other shows. The joke is that, after ten episodes into the season, Stella's timeslot was replaced with reruns of Mind of Mencia.
• The easter egg is a clear reference to Space Ghost Coast to Coast, a spoof talk show on Cartoon Network.
• The Boonducks is obviously a parody of the Boondocks, a newspaper comic strip that spawned a show on Adult Swim that has met with critical praise and is also one of Adult Swim's top watched shows. The scene on the cartoon was an altered version of the Boondock's first episode's first scene. Which involved Huey dreaming about "Telling white folk the truth" During the Boonducks cutaway, at the end, the boy talks about saving money on car insurance. This is a reference to Geico, a car insurance company of which has random commercials ending with someone talking about saving money with their plan. Also to note that it is actually AFLAC that has a duck as it's spokesman, as Geico has a gecko as it's mascot, not corrolating with the duck theme. Considering that it's "the government" that saved money on its car insurance, and bearing in mind Huey's anti-authoritarian sentiments, Huey is likely decrying Geico in favor of Aflac.
• The purple hippo in the beginning segments that says 'Didja get that thing I sentcha?' is a reference to Harvey Birdman. Peter Potamus is originally from a 1964 cartoon, "Peter Potamus and His Magic Flying Balloon."
• "What's your ex like? Can she do an optic blast?" is probably a reference to Cyclops of the X-Men superhero team.
• The style of the first webtoon resembles Jamie Hewlett's art.
• The style of the webtoon with the stick figures resembles Xiao Xiao, a flash series that blends fast-paced, high-quality animation with simplistic stick figures.
• The scene where Sasha hits Joel with the hammer may be a reference to another Keen webcomic written by Dan Shive, called El Goonish Shive, where women have the ability to magically materialise hammers which they use to attack men who insult women which is explained in the comic. However, this ability is only available for comic relief and not actual offense. May also be a reference to the same practice in most anime series. Collectively this is known as hammerspace. In general, this may also be taken from 8-bit Theater.
• The webtoon where Joel and Evil have pink noses resembles Spumco's animation style. Spumco is responsible for animating Ren & Stimpy, The Ripping Friends, as well as various other animated shorts.
• The blue character who gets his head blown off is Platform Hero from Something Awful's Flash Tub.
• The "meanwhile" guy could also be a reference to Platform Hero, where a random person/animal/object will announce 'meanwhile' before a scene change.
• When Joel and Sasha are listing way of pronouncing 'Xanga', Joel refers to Mensa, which is a society for people with high IQs. He also refers to Jenga, a game involving removing and stacking blocks from a tower until it collapses.
• "Here comes a new challenger" is found on most 2-player fighting games in arcades. If one player is going through the single-player game, and another inserts a coin and presses Start, the current fight is interrupted, while both players choose characters for 2-player battle, and whomever wins gets to continue the single-player game.

Episode Description

(Part 2 of 3) Joel tracks down a rogue robot creation, while Phil journeys backwards through the ages of time.

External Links

• Watch "Joel Fights Crime, Phil Rewrites Time"
• View the Flash file for "Joel Fights Crime, Phil Rewrites Time"