Last Exit to Charismaville

From Bonus Stage

Bonus Stage Episode #63

Now stranded on Hydrox, Joel meets an alien race while Phil attempts to call for help.

Cast (in order of appearance): Joel, Phil, Mr. Malice, Martian Warriors Chapter 11, Derrick, Andrew, Elly, Rya, Big Fat Guy, Satan

Page title: Episode 63: "Last Exit to Charismaville"

Running time: 6:08

Date: March 28, 2005

Contents

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Transcript

{Opening Credits. Cut to Joel.}

JOEL: Looks like I have jury duty! What kind of wacky shenanigans will come of this?

{Phil comes in from the right with an angry look.}

PHIL: What are you talking about? We're stranded on an underwater planet with no chances of survival or rescue!

{Cut to an exterior view of the ship; it is broken into numerous pieces and bent, cuts back to Joel and Phil.}

JOEL: Oh, continuity. Well, so yeah, see ya.

{Joel flips and disappears. Phil gets a confused look on his face.}

PHIL: How did he- Oh whatever. {Phil turns to the right, revealing Mr. Malice.} You, you're immortal, right?

{Camera zooms in on Mr. Malice's face.}

MR. MALICE: {When he speaks, a cartoonish, ant-like humming sounds, and his speech is translated into subtitles.} "FOREVER CURSED TO WALK A THOUSAND MILES OF SORROW AND THEN A THOUSAND MORE!"

{Cuts back to Phil}

PHIL: Wonderful, go scan around for any food or life or habitat. Okay? Okay? OOOOOOOOKAAAAAAAY!?

{Cut back to Mr. Malice, now with an angry look on his face.}

MR. MALICE: "I'm immortal, not invisible, you tardbaby! Use the robot, she's dumb and stupid enough to help."

PHIL: But that's no good, she's deactivated. {Inspiring music slowly begins to play} But with a little tinkering... {music stops}

MR. MALICE: "With a little tinkering, WHAT?"

PHIL: Sorry, I forgot. {music begins to play again} Maybe there's a way I can remember... {stops}

MR.MALICE: "YES?!?!"

PHIL: I'm just tossing out observations, you don't have to listen...

{Camera zooms in on Mr.Malice's face. A crack appears below his eye.}

PHIL: {music plays again} but what if..

{Mr. Malice punches Phil in the face. Cut to Joel walking among a desert-canyon like background. Bouncy music plays.}

JOEL: Goin' {close-up} on a {extreme close-up} secret adventure, {close up of hat, then back to normal} goin' on a secret... {sighs} Oh, what rhymes with adventure? {he walks into a martian} ...adventure!

MARTIAN: We are the Martian warriors chapter 11. THE BEST CHAPTER EVER!!

{Camera shows numerous martians cheering, one of which proclaims "My foot's bleeding!". Goes back to Joel and first Martian.}

JOEL: Why do you look like an African Tribe? And why are you copying off of earth?

{Derrick comes in from left.}

DERRICK: YEAH! WHASSUP WIT DAT, DU?

{Joel and Derrick are encircled by an orange ring and the words "JOEL AND DERRICK IN 'WASSUP WIT DAT, DU?'" appear over them.}

{Cut to Elly (who has been redesigned again)& Andrew in Elly's spaceship}

ANDREW: This ship seems a little ramshackle.

ELLY: It's a little mom and pop. If the mom's coked up and the pop is on welfare.

ANDREW: No, I mean the fuel gauge is just a decal. This thrust gauge is clearly a lame Spinal Tap reference. And these buttons don’t fulfill my wildest fantasies. Except for this one.

{He points to a button marked "Make a good Kevin Smith film"}

ELLY: That button one doesn’t work.

{Cut back to Joel and the Martians}

MARTIAN: You must survive a trial by fire before you can help us.

JOEL: Why?

MARTIAN: Be..Because we’re awesome!

JOEL: That reasoning makes perfect sense!

MARTIAN #2: We will place these leeches on you.

{Joel is now shirtless, with a leech on him}

JOEL: Oh, to symbolically mark me as a tribe member.

MARTIAN: No, because it’s funny. And I hope you die painfully.

JOEL: You know, you guys are all right.

MARTIAN #2: Now I’m going to skewer you through the throat with this sword.

JOEL: Classic–AGH!

{Joel is killed... again... as it cuts to Phil, now in a bubble}

PHIL: My years of serving as henchman to Dr. Wily did not go to waste!

{Zoom out to show he has modified Rya into a submersible}

PHIL: Too bad I never got the Rya Jet or Coil to work out.

{Cut to Phil on the street, trying out the Rya Jet}

PHIL: Okay ready? One... Two–

{He gets run over by a car, cutting back to Phil}

PHIL: Wait a minute, that was a spurious cutaway stolen from a previous episode! I don’t want people to think we’re getting lazy.

{Cut to the "Big Fat Guy" joke}

BIG FAT GUY: I’M BIG FAT GUY!

{Back to Phil, with a livid look on his face. He goes back to normal as he approaches an underwater pay phone}

PHIL: Hey, a space phone. Finally, I can prank the Enterprise.

{He looks back at the destroyed ship}

PHIL: Oh, right. Fear of death. And loathing. Better set my priorities...

{A pause, before he grabs and dials a number furiously}

CAPTAIN: Hello, this is the Enterprise.

PHIL: This is, This is... {Trying to disguise his voice} Forest ranger Fred Danger. The trees are on fire, outside!

CAPTAIN: What? That doesn’t even make sense.

PHIL: {Normal} Yeah, I’d like to order a million pizzas, TO YOUR MOM!

CAPTAIN: This is the worst prank ever.

PHIL: Better go to the burn ward.

CAPTAIN: Why?

PHIL: Because... Your fridge is running! {Hangs up and poses} Oh, ice cold!

{Cut to Joel and the Martian, standing next to a cave.}

MARTIAN: You must enter the Cave of the Mother.

JOEL: Well, I try to, but Jessica’s all catholic and–

MARTIAN: The cave will guide you to your destination. The destination will guide you to your journey–

JOEL: Okay, let’s cut out the allegorical bull crap, you want me to destroy stuff or blow up the core, right?

MARTIAN: Yeah, basically. It’s like Starfox only, you know, fun.

{Cut to Elly and Andrew}

ELLY: Well, they’re not on planet Oprah. This is hopeless, we’ll never find them by searching random planets.

ANDREW: I don’t know, I liked Goon world. Until you nuked them from orbit.

ELLY: {Angry} Goons are fat and gay and they stole Popeye’s pappy!

ANDREW: But they had these awesome neck beards.

{Elly appears in Andrew’s shot, without her glasses}

ELLY: I’m going to eject you.

{Elly’s glasses magically fly up back to her face}

ANDREW: Hey, check it out, I’m getting a phone frequency!

{As Andrew speaks, the camera cuts to Phil, still on the phone, noticing the underwater station they will use in the near future.}

ANDREW: Maybe they’re trying to contact help. Or they’re using Moviephone.

ELLY: Nah, Phil hates movies. And the latest Pixar film, "A Car’s Life Of Robots, Bugs, Toys, And Monsters Fishing Guest Star David Spade" isn’t out yet.

{Back to Joel, as dramatic music cues up, with a long action sequence which demonstrates the power of Joel’s new weapon, his baseball bat. Some else can describe what goes on in this sequence. I do a say-by-say, not a play-by-play. Anyway, Joel soon reaches the core, with a quick cut to Elly}

ELLY: Hello, is anyone there?

{Back to Joel}

JOEL: With one blow to this core, all satellites in the known universe will self destruct. This is logical and believable to every one. Except gay people.

{The music ends, cut to Phil}

PHIL: Elly, is that you? Help, we’re–

{THWACK! Joel destroys the core, with “Call Interrupted? appearing on Elly’s ship. Joel and Phil are back on the remains of the eShip}

PHIL: Why did you do that Joel?

JOEL: To protect the future! A future where people’s names appear on little balls and they are hunted down ruthlessly!

PHIL: Well, we’re gonna die.

JOEL: Yep.

{They both appear in hell, with Satan}

PHIL: Well, we died.

JOEL: Yep.

{End credits, with hispanic music playing}

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Fun Facts

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Trivia

  • The title is a parody of the The Simpsons' episode "Last Exit to Springfield".
  • The eShip Transmitter is now gone, replaced with blue undersea-looking bars.
  • Joel has a walking animation.
  • Right after Joel leaves after his short discussion with Phil, Phil's eyes become black triangles. Black triangles were Phil's eyes in the early episodes of Bonus Stage.
  • WRITTEN BY: Mmmmmmatt
  • GUEST STARRING: Ned "The Duzz" Duzzington
  • SPECIAL THANKS: Prince Graham; Laura Bow
  • NO THANKS: My Laptop; Wacom; George Lucas - Thanks for Ruining Clone Wars you Fat Fat Faggot
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Remarks

  • Joel is still walking in the cave when it seems like he isn't.
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Goofs

  • When Joel is in one of the dark caves, his mouth is flesh colored.
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Glitches

  • This episode automatically loops.
  • During the intro, Elly's right arm flickers continously.
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Inside References

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Real-World References

  • Andrew saying "This thrust gauge is clearly a lame Spinal Tap reference" is a reference to This Is Spinal Tap, a fake documentary about the ficticious rock band Spinal Tap. A famous gimmick from said movie was that the band had speakers that had dials going up to eleven instead of ten.
  • The mentions of nuking Goon World from orbit, of goons being fat, and of the copious amounts of neck beards are all references to catchphrases and stereotypes from the Something Awful forums and its members, commonly known as Goons.
  • The goons "stealing Popeye's pappy" is a reference to the Popeye cartoon "Popeye in Goonland".
  • The movie Elly mentioned (A Car’s Life Of Robots, Bugs, Toys, And Monsters Fishing Guest Star David Spade) is a combination of the titles of several Disney-Pixar and Dreamworks movies. Those movies are: Cars, Racing Stripes (where David Spade comes from), Robots (produced by Blue Sky), A Bug's Life, Toy Story, Monsters Inc. and possibly Finding Nemo or Shark Tale or both.
  • Phil calls the Enterprise, a space ship featured in Star Trek: Enterprise. Not to mention "Next Generation" and the original Star Trek series.
  • The sub-plot of Joel meeting up with the alien visitors and going on a quest is taking from Clone Wars, the Cartoon Network Micro-Series directed by Genndy Tartakovsky, specifically Anakin's subplot from chapters 23-25. Specific references include being covered with leeches, entering the "cave of the mother", the aliens looking somewhat like an African tribe, and Joel's battle with the robots. Matt Wilson also claims that George Lucas ruined Clone Wars in the "No Thanks" section.
  • Martian #2's character design is a parody of the video game character Gish, from the game of the same name.
  • One of the aliens mentions Star Fox, a video game series from Nintendo.
  • In the end credits, Matt Damon is listed as playing Satan. Matt Damon is an actor.
  • Also in the end credits, under the "No Thanks" section was George Lucas. George Lucas was responsible for the (in)famous Star Wars movies.
  • Phil being Dr. Wily's henchman and the Rya Marine/Coil/Jet enhancements are both references to Mega Man.
  • "A future where people's names appear on little balls and they're hunted down ruthlessly" is a reference to the movie Minority Report.
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External Links

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