Morbid
From Bonus Stage
Bonus Stage Episode #9
Cast (in order of appearance): Blakken White, Joel, Phil, Elly, Satan
Page title: bonusstage9
Running time: 6:04
Date: January 23, 2004
Contents |
Transcript
{Opening credits.}
{Joel is standing in front of a door, with Blakken White standing right outside the doorway.}
BLAKKEN WHITE: Congratulations, Joel Dawson! You've just won the Hollywood Video Super Sweepstakes!
JOEL: Sweet! What do I win?
BLAKKEN WHITE: Death!
{Joel falls over, dead.}
{Cut to Phil and Elly (dressed in a black version of her typical attire) standing near Joel's grave.}
PHIL: He was a great guy...until after high school. Then he became a jerk! I don't even know why I'm here.
ELLY: I'm still gonna miss him, though.
PHIL: Yeah, well... {points to the sky} ...I'm sure he's in a...better place.
{Phil looks upward. Pan up to the sky.}
ELLY: He's burning up in the sun?
{Pan back down to Phil and Elly}
PHIL: {sarcastic} Yeah, that's what he doing.
{we cut to a red, firey cavern, similar to the stereotypical depictions of Hell we often see in the media. In front, there is a red sign, with huge white text reading, "HELL", and underneath it, smaller white text reading, "A FAMILY RESORT"}
{we then cut to Joel and Satan}
JOEL: Who knew that Hell was always on the Sun?
SATAN: Hey, hey, hey, hold on, pal. Y'know, Hell wasn't ALWAYS on the Sun. I mean, we had to- we had to move there, after the whole "AC/DC" ordeal. Yeah, uh..e-everyone was giving the Highway to Hell lots of traffic, so...now we have an intersection to Hell. And Circle? That's Purgatory.
JOEL: So rock music IS from the Devil.
SATAN: Yeah well, n-no. I mean, we heard the song and we thought- we thought it'd be a good idea. We thought it would like, increase revenue. But uh...I think we didn't charge enough money, I mean, 'cause it's free, all you have to do is sin. We probably should've set the standards higher. {pan over to a bored Joel} 'Cause we had so much traffic, that like, people were getting pushed off the highway. And you don't even know what's under the highway, that's not even Hell, {pan back to Satan} that's worse than Hell. That's a place we call..."The place where they show...that guy from the Food Network, Emeril, his TV show, they show it all the time there." {pan back to bored Joel, and Satan pops up right next to him, so what surprising him} WHOA! {Satan moves off-camera and Joel goes back to being bored} Ya-ya-you know, this is kinda interesting and all, I mean, no, it isn't, when you've heard 300 million people..talk to you about things really don't concern you in any way, the definition of interesting, y'know, kinda blurs. But, uh, anyway, I gotta set you up for your punishment, you're cool and all, but...we gotta do this now. {pan over to a wall} You can choose between one of the three following punishments. {pan right to reveal a TV} You have to watch Time Squad for 24/7, {pan right to see a movie screen, with a logo similar to those you see before a movie preview} you have to watch Shrek 2 or 24/7, {pan right to show a plate of spaghtetti} or you can eat my Mom's spaghetti. {Satan leans in, in front of the plate of spaghetti} But I gotta warn ya, this...is REALLY bad spaghetti. I mean, even Hitler couldn't handle it. {pans back to the TV} He opted for the Time Squad. So, that tells you something right there, I mean, y'know, Hitler, he's not...well, he is kinda, so, y'know. {pan back over to a skeptic-looking Joel} Right?
JOEL: You are the worst Satan ever.
{cut back to the doorway from the beginning of the episode. Blakken White is once again standing outside, but Phil is the one in front of the door.}
PHIL: You mean, Hell is actually on the Sun?
BLAKKEN WHITE: Y'see, the Sun is...
{Phil closes the door on Blakken White}
PHIL: YeahIdon'tcare.
{We move over to see Phil and Elly talking}
PHIL: Hey, I got an idea.
ELLY: So do I.
PHIL: {raising his right arm, and the background fades to red as the camera zooms in on him} Then we shall duel. TO THE BATTLEFIELD!
ELLY: No, let's just do mine.
PHIL: {lowers his arm and the background goes back to normal} Oh.
{Cut back to Hell, Satan is pushing a reluctant Joel forward}
JOEL: Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-but I don't like Time Squad.
SATAN: Sorry, but we're out of spaghetti.
{The TV turns on, and Buck Tuddrussell, of Time Squad, appears}
TUDDRUSSELL: IT'S GO TIME!
{cuts to a quick zoom-out from a close-up of Joel kneeling on the ground, with his fists in the air.}
JOEL: NOOOOOOOOOO!
{We cut to Joel, lying down on the doorstep of the house, with Phil standing to the side of him}
PHIL: Joel, wake up. You're having a bad dream.
JOEL: Oh, seriously?
{A huge wave of flames moves upward from the bottom of the screen, revealing that Joel is still in Hell, and Satan stands where Phil was}
SATAN: NO, IT'S ME AGAIN!
{cuts back to the quick zoom-out from a close-up of Joel kneeling on the ground, with his fists in the air.}
JOEL: YOU DOUCHEBAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!
{cut to Elly standing in a door, in a silver room, with a sign reading "NASA" in white letters to her right}
ELLY: We'll be commandeering this space shuttle, thank you!
{Elly runs off-screen. An astronaut moves on camera}
ASTRONAUT: Yeah, uh, yeah, but, you know the Sun is like, 93 million miles away, right?
{Phil walks in, where Elly was}
PHIL: Science? HA! ...That's all I got.
ASTRONAUT: YOU'LL STARVE TO DEATH BEFORE YOU BURN TO DEATH!
{Phil runs off-screen}
PHIL: Whatever!
{cut to an vector rendition of a moon lander on a crater, similar to that of the game Lunar Lander}
ELLY: 3, 2, 1, CONTACT!
{The ship lifts off, slowly}
PHIL: Wheeeeeee!
{The ship then stops, falls to the ground and explodes. Phil and Elly materialize in Hell}
SATAN: All right, awesome. The pack is complete.
PHIL: Uh, technically, I shouldn't even be here. I mean, I'm Catholic.
{cut to Satan}
SATAN: {laughs hysterically} {cut back to a close-up on a pissed-off Phil} Oh-ho-ho, man. Oh-ho-ho, I'm sorry. {cut back to Satan} So...damn.....giggly.
{cut back to Phil and Elly}
PHIL: Whoa, Hell's kinda....sparse. Hey! How'd you guys get here?
{Pan over to reveal an empty space. Pan back to a surprised Phil and Elly.}
PHIL: Uh, there...were guys over there. What the?
ELLY: I think you're crazy, like a taxi.
{Cut to a close-up on Phil.}
PHIL: I swear, there were three guys over there.
{Cut to a close-up on Elly.}
ELLY: Were they Musketeers or Stooges or Caballeros?
{Cut back to Phil.}
PHIL: No, just guys we'll never match in popularity or merchandising sales.
{Elly leans on-screen.}
ELLY: So, you're saying {Elly holds up a white T-Shirt, with "CAMP CANDY SUCKS" written in black letters.} my Camp Candy T-Shirt won't fly off the shelves.
{Cut to a close-up on Phil on a red background.}
PHIL: Look Satan, I respect your work, but with all due respect, I'm taking my friend and leaving.
{cut to Satan}
SATAN: Well, I mean, you're dead. How're you going to do that?
{cut to Phil and Elly, with determination in her eyes}
ELLY: {raises her right arm} If Bill and Ted can do it {clasps her right hand}, anyone can!
SATAN: I won't allow that to happen.
PHIL: {zooms in on Phil, as the background turns yellow} Then we shall duel, on the battlefields of...
{background fades back to Hell, Satan appears on-screen}
SATAN: No-no-no-no-no-no-no! NO! Go! Just go! Go! {Phil and Elly walk off-screen, Satan bows his head in shame} Crap. I really AM the lamest Satan ever.
{Cut to the outside of Phil's house.}
JOEL: And that's how we escaped from Hell.
{Cut to Joel, Elly and Phil standing in the living room.}
ELLY: I know! I was there!
JOEL: Oh. I thought there were more characters on this show.
PHIL: What made you think that?
{Joel holds up a bomb.}
JOEL: Well, I came over here to kill you guys and let them take over.
{Phil and Elly's eyes go wide with shock.}
PHIL: Why would-
{They all explode. Joel and Phil then rematerialize in Hell, next to Satan.}
SATAN: 'Sup?
{Ending Credits}
Fun Facts
Trivia
- Matt Wilson had removed this episode from the site for quite some time because he used Homestar Runner characters in the original version and didn't want to risk getting sued. He later removed the characters, which Phil references in the episode.
- Unlike most of the Season 1 and 2 episodes of Bonus Stage, this episode's end credits featured "Suffocate" by Sevendust. However, when the rest of the series was edited, its credits music was changed to Total Soundalike, just like the rest.
- The background music for the whole space thing was later used in Stamp's level of Robo Rya.
- Although the credits credit the Brothers Chaps, the voices of the Homestar characters were actually provided by Joe Cieslak.
- Though every episode between 2 to 86 was restored by Joel's last 2.1 hour invention in Car Fission Mailed, this episode stayed with the 404 and ethereal music. The episode has since been restored.
Remarks
Goofs
- The credits still say "Mike & Matt Chapman" in the second version.
Real-World References
- The scene with the spaceship seems to be remiscent of Lunar Lander, an old arcade game from Atari.
- The other characters that appear in Hell (version 1) are Coach Z, Homestar Runner, and Strong Bad from the Homestar Runner cartoons. At the end, Phil is taking over Strong Bad Emails for Strong Bad. Bubs, mentioned in the email, is also a character from Homestar Runner. Strong Bad Emails is a Flash series where Strong Bad answers emails from fans.
- "You must be crazy... like a taxi." This is a reference to the arcade game, Crazy Taxi.
- "Then we shall duel. TO THE BATTLEFIELD!" is a refrence to the populer anime series Yu-Gi-Oh!.
- "If Bill and Ted can do it, anyone can!" This is a reference to Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, the sequel to their original hit, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. In order to escape from Hell, Bill and Ted challenge Death to a series of games and keep beating him.
- 3-2-1-Contact was a TV series on PBS.
Fast-Forward
- The background music that plays while Phil and Elly hijack the NASA shuttle would later be reused in Robo Rya.
External Links
Categories: Blakken White Filmography | Joel Filmography | Phil Filmography | Elly Filmography | Satan Filmography | Episodes
