The NYE

From Bonus Stage

Bonus Stage Episode #6

Cast (in order of appearance): Phil, Joel, Topato, Phil's Friend, Candice, Elly, DG

Places: Phil's Living Room, Xover House, Charismaville

Page title: bonusstage6

Running time: 5:50

Date: December 26, 2003

1 Transcript
2 Fun Facts

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Transcript

{Opening sequence. Joel still has a red cap on and it's still snowing in the group shot.}

{Phil is outside a door. He is wearing a cap with the words "OMG" on it}

PHIL: Ugghh. I can never get a date for New Year's. What should I do?

{Joel pops up}

JOEL: Die. Wait a minute. You go somewhere on New Year's?

PHIL: Uh, have you ever looked next door, Joel? Ever?

JOEL: People live next door to us?

{Cut to the house next door}

TOPATO: Greetings again, Consumer Phil, to an annual world of celebration and adventure. {Flies up to Joel} Ah, but I do not recognise this commercial identity. Address to me your name at once, intruder of peace!

JOEL: Do you even have the permission of the creator to use this character?

TOPATO: You fool! Do you not see the commercial opportunities with your geometric eyes? They are appparent even to Slimjor, turkey of quiet intelligence, whom I dispatched into the realm of eternal monkeys. Because of his intelligence! The executives, who govern decision, have strategically placed a SEGA 2003 New Year's Joy Festival for maximum profit potential. It pushes the brand. You will come for the alcohol and broken dreams and you will stay for the merchandise, and the time shares that you will buy in your drinking status.

PHIL: Yeah, I'm uhh...I'm gonna talk to people about interesting things. See ya.

{Phil leaves}

JOEL: You know, you didn't answer my question.

TOPATO: {sighs} Yes, this is a secret operation. The creator is oblivious to our campaign. Tell me circular one, are you familiar with...fair use?

JOEL: This is not fair use!

TOPATO: It is fair use if you do not address me by my real identity. Try the following anagram. {He holds up a sign that says "topato"} IF YOU DARE!

JOEL: But that...that's your normal name.

TOPATO: The t's have switched places. This is obvious to everyone. I decree this conversation OVER! Drinkpepsi.

{Cut to Phil and his friend in another area of the house}

PHIL'S FRIEND: Whatever happened to Robot Jones?

PHIL: What?

PHIL'S FRIEND: Candice Jones. You said that she became a psycho robot?

PHIL: Yeah, that's all...in the past. I thought she'd be great for me, but, truth be told, I don't want an emo girlfriend.

PHIL'S FRIEND: {off-screen} Emo girlfriend?

PHIL: Emo girlfriends. They kill you on the inside. Like that time she dyed her hair.

{Cut to Phil in a room of the house}

PHIL: Hey! We're going to Denny's and, oh! You uh...uh...

{Pan out to show Candace with a knife in her hair. Half of her hair is covered in blood.}

CANDACE: It still hurts. Why am I still alive?

{Pan back to Phil}

PHIL: Alright. But I'm still going to Denny's. {Walks off}

{Cut to Phil and Elly in another room}

ELLY: So, what'd you get for Christmas?

PHIL: Nothing.

ELLY: Nothing? That's insane!

PHIL: Joel and I seem to have so much angst. It's a culmination.

ELLY: That's....tragically stupid. That's why I celebrate Hanukkah now.

PHIL: No it's not. It's because Santa grants people's perverted wishes.

ELLY: I can only imagine what you wanted to wish for.

PHIL: Uh, I wish for peace on Earth.

ELLY: Pfff. {Walks off}

PHIL: Piece of that fine ass.

{cut to Topato and DG}

TOPATO: Can I help you?

DG: I'm looking for someone's mom.

TOPATO: I do not believe in moms, begone!

{Cut to Joel, talking}

JOEL: So what do you do for the holidays, Brendon Small of Home Movies?

{Pan out to show that Joel is talking to a wall, and Phil is talking to a girl}

PHIL: Yeah, he does this all the time. Interviews imaginary people. It's kind of embarrasing.

{Joel pops up}

JOEL: The only thing here that's embarrasing is between your legs.

DG: OH SNAP!

{Cut to Phil, angry at Joel}

PHIL: Why are you making this difficult for me?

JOEL: That's what she said.

DG: Zing!

JOEL: You see Phil, I'm the life of the party.

{Zooming in on Phil's face}

JOEL: That gives me authority. And I authorize you to lizzle.

PHIL: I'm going to kill you.

{Cut to Joel, pointing}

JOEL: He's assaulting authority! Throw him out!

{Cut back to Phil, who is standing in a doorway with his "OMG" hat on again. Topato is floating next to him}

PHIL: What? Fine I hope you die, Joel. I hope you never get to breathe a second of oxygen in the new year.

{Joel's head pops up}

JOEL: Kick his ass, Topato.

TOPATO: I told you to address me by Topato, not Topato! You wanna be sued, angry Anny?

{Cut to Joel and the girl}

JOEL: And hey, lady. Ditch the loser, hang with the boozer.

GIRL: I think I will.

{Cut to Phil}

PHIL: This is the worst night of my life this year.

{Cut to Phil sitting on the sidewalk}

PHIL: In the summation of 2003: Phil Argus: got attacked by Super Munchers, lost my only girlfriend, nearly lost my house, gained and lost superpowers, and has no future. Joel:

{You can hear loud music in the background}

JOEL: {off-screen} Thanks guys! What? Yeah, I'll take that time share. What? It comes with a million dollars? Aw, send it to the beach mansion. Oh ho ho, you guys. Ah ha ha ha ha. Oh...boy.

{Cut to Joel. He is wearing the "OMG" cap}

JOEL: Oh, hey Phil. ...What, do you still hate me?

PHIL: Yes.

JOEL: Awesome.

{End credits roll}

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Fun Facts

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Trivia

Topato is character from the webcomic Wigu, as well as its short lived spin-off, Magical Adventures...in SPACE, both by Jeff Rowland.
Instead of "Shed Some Skin", the original version of this episode featured "Pizza Club" by Brendan Small (of Home Movies). When it was edited, "Pizza Club" was replaced with "Total Soundalike", like most of the others.
Also, the scenes at the party originally used "Zinc" by the New York Ska Jazz Ensemble, but it was later replaced by "Legendary Game", another song by Robot Sock. Despite the fact that "Legendary Game" sounds exactly like the song from Level nine of the music game, "Gitaroo Man."
This episode was originally preceded by a RD & DG skit, which explained DG's reason for showing up at the party. It was removed with the others, but DG's appearance in the episode still remained.

{We open with a still of ToonZone, with a subtitle beneath it reading "Toon Zone - Tuesday, 2010". From there, we fade to two figures, RD and DG, standing in a lab.}

DG: At last! My sheep-powered raygun is complete!

{Cut to the sheep-powered raygun.}

RD: Uh, I think someone else came up with that idea.

{Cut back to RD and DG.}

DG: You are wrong! Prepare the sheep!

RD: But we don't even, like, we don't even have sheep.

{Close-up on DG.}

DG: Activate the sheep hunters!

{Close-up on RD.}

RD: Y'know, we don't have those either.

{Extreme close-up on DG.}

DG: Your mom does! TAKE US TO YOUR MOM!

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Remarks

Phil says he lost his only girlfriend (Candice), but in First Place in the Face we find out Donald killed Michelle, one of his other girlfriends. Although technically, Phil and Michelle were drawn post design changes, so it is possible that Phil and Michelle had starting seeing each other after 25.
Phil says he no longer has super powers, but we soon find out that statement is false.

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Glitches

The sound used to go out of sync when Joel kicks Phil out of the party. Matt recently fixed this glitch.

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Inside References

The "That's why I celebrate Hanukkah now." "No, it's not. It's because Santa grants people's perverted wishes." exchange is a reference to the High Score episode Christmas Holiday of Fate I.
"In the summation of 2003, Phil Argus...got attacked by Super Munchers, lost my only girlfriend, nearly lost my house, gained and lost superpowers, and has no future." refer to the High Score episode "Munched!", the Bonus Stage episode "Car" and the High Score episode "Superphil".

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Real-World References

"AT LAST! My Sheep-powered Ray-Gun is complete!" is a reference to Sheep in the Big City.
Whatever happened to Robot Jones? is the title of an old show on Cartoon Network.
Brendan Small is the main character of the Adult Swim show Home Movies.

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